So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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