dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
