last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
