I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When are your genitals available?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
