You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was like eating out sand paper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
