Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
