awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
