i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
