I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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