its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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