how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
time to smoke my breakfast
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
