worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize