This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
