actually, I'm a sock model
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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