I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize