Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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