i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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