five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
