You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
