Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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