Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In America we eat man semen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
