i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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