I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
