im drinking this country out of the recession.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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