can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
