I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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