i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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