Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
