Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
