I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
