I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
