i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
