I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was born a porn star she said
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
