Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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