I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
