I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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