The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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