he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
