My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the day after is always just damage control
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
