how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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