Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
