My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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