just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
