who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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