Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shame - the story of my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
