I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
