Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
