My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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