Pappa wants mamma naked
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
