Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I FOUND THE LEGS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
