I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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