I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
