I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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