I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
