i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
