mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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