Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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