I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i want to swaddle you in tequila
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
