He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
