do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
