So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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