4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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