one might say we're banned from that church
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
