Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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