It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
