Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
