We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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