Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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