NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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