i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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