covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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