If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
