I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
