Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
