Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
