the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He shit in the fireplace
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
