i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
