hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
